May 21, 2012

Application to Invite Lakme Girl by BA

Note to Readers: Please leave aside all your intelligence, Knowledge on English, Do not use spell checks.. read this as it is …. Proceed only if you have nothing to read… Headaches Guaranteed

all images are from Google Search
inspired by contest:

Jai Ma Durge                          Love is God

Date:21 may 2012
Gram :Bhojpur

Dear Madam Elina/Kyra,
I am very good here with my family and expect  you are very good and also your family is good

“Writing to you in my blood,
Don’t think it’s an ink
I have died loving you
Don’t think I am alive… “

“Roses are red
Violets are bulu,
Never I  loved anyone
Only I love you…”

My name is Budhuwa “Angrezi”. “Angrezi” is in my native language for “English”. Because I know good English my village people give me this title. I am adult, 5feet 8inch long. I have dark color skin and have long hair on head that goes round and round. I have hair all over my chest and muscular body, because I do good wrestling. I am wrestling champion in my village. I can drive motor cycle and have good youth, vigor and girls of my village are mad on my mojo. My village is in distant part in Bihar. We do not have bulb of light in village as there is no electric. I buy a inverter and my house is full of light.   There is no light so we village people have no tv. Village people talk in street and sometimes dance to pass time.

I will appeal to you to come to my village and spend time with me. If you come to my village for a day, I will be very pleased. I see you in my friend’s house on his computer and found you very beautiful. I fall for your love and affection. You will find interest and you will enjoy my company and my village people’s  company. When you are bore of loud party sound and sand-sand beaches, take a leave and come to my village to spend time in peace. If you decide I pick you from rail station. From station after sometime we have only muddy road and no bus and car can go. I will give you a joy ride on my ox driven cart. I know you will never have ridden a cart, so it would be a good fun for you. I can drive a cart and make run oxes very fast even on mud road. You would like the drive on mud road with fields on both side of the cart. I know you foreign girls are very skin sensitive, my Hirani bhabi (my brother’s wife) uses skin ointment to avoid sun-burning. I have checked it, name is Lakme Sun Expert, I will bring it for you to apply. When we reach our village please put some cloth on your head as village old people don’t like without cloth on head. It is our custom. You would get fun when we would be in village. Village kids are very naughty. Once they see you coming they will run after our cart. They would clap, run and dance behind. They can also shout as “Firangan chachi aa gayi, Firangan chachi aa gayi” (foreigner auntie has come). Please do not mind you girls are very white like milk so they like and love to play. What to do kids will be kids. When you reach my home, don’t get inside. Wait for my family to come. They will garland you and put spot on our head to welcome you. This is our tradition. After having bread and butter breakfast and good talking with family, we will go to fields to enjoy and play.

Elina, please do not mind, I love your this name more than KYRA, which is not good word in Hindi. I am hopeful you would not mind this. At afternoon, you seat on my “fatfatiya”- my love motorcycle. Seat at back of mine and we go to field. Do not hold me when we are in village, as old people don’t like this city culture. After village you can hold me tight. We will come to my favorite place in village. It is near my field. It is call “Machaan”. Machaan  is:
A bamboo here, n
A bamboo there
All four  place.
A bamboo this side n
A bamboo that side
Tied with ropes all sides
Bamboo spread as roof on top
Dry paddy works as soft bed
People watch field and scare the crows
People seat and relax
it is my  favorite place

Once we are on machaan, you can see all the field, my field and village people field, field everywhere, full of  field. I will get you sugarcane. You know sugar cane ? that “long-long stick like, with thick-thick skin. Looks very dry but once in mouth it will give you sugar-sugar fluid. It is very tasty and we can go to field and  bring all to machaan and enjoy this with talk about yourself, your city people. I like you to laugh and smile as you look very good with laugh. Please do not tie your hair with hair band, keep it open.. you look nice.. please do not mind.  Once you are tiered and feel very hot, we can go to bath. Don’t worry, do not feel shy. No one comes to field when in noon, every girl and ladies bath in ponds or at “Rehat”. You can bath in “Rehat”. Do you have Rehat in your place? No, I know there is no Rehat in cities as there are no wells, only water from pipe. Rehat is used to take out water from well. Hmmm how to explain you…let me think..Rehat is made on top of a well.

One  Bucket
Two Bucket
And Bucket after Bucket
Tied in a Chain and
Placed on a wheel
A stick on ox’s head
It  goes round and
round the well
a  bucket goes up and
a  bucket goes down
brings water from well’s down
cold-cold water all around
ladies kids and all men
bath it all around…

You will also like bathing here near the Rehat. Promise it is a good fun. If you feel shy tell me I will close my eyes. After a good bath, we can stay and have food. My Hirani Bhabi can bring food for us to Machaan. She can bring “sattu” (powder cheekpeas) paratha and vegetable with lots of homemade butter and mango pickle. Don’t worry about your figure as homemade butter is very good for health and pure. So you will not get fat. I know you care about your size, that is why you are so thin and look very nice. But ladies should not be so thin, else they do not get good shape all over important part of body. You can also try eating raw onion. No No it will not give bad smell from mouth as it is from my field and tastes very good with no smell. You can also sleep a small time if you like, even in hot summer the air is very cold due to shade of machaan. And the sound of all leaves is very nice to hear.

In evening I can show you sun setting down in fields from machaan, which you can enjoy seeing a red color sun going down the earth. After sunset, we will return to village. My village girls who are my neighbor have told me that they would make a “Ghaghra-Choli” for you. They would also put henna on your hands. “Ghaghra-Choli” is a long skirt and a blouse with nice hand craft and mirror all around. When you dance and go round and round, you will look very beautiful. Village have told me to tell you, once you are here, we will have dance till late night. We don’t have light so cannot play loud music as you like. But, my village people  sing very well and also dance. So wearing Ghaghra Choli you can dance with us. I know you city people can dance nice but nothing like my village girls and men. They will also make party for you as a dinner in night.

Once you are tiered & enjoyed the day, the rest of the night would be for you and me. I have planned with all my friends as how to make the night special, so that you don’t leave the village and me. We will go near to our nearby river-Ganga, which will make you feel like a beach side. With help from my village friends we have planned to make a hut made of bamboo. We will have a “Machia” for you to sleep, when you feel so. “Machia is a bed made of wood frame, with four legs and ropes going here and there, tied all around. It would be a special bed for you but in our village we can only buy this. we have planned to light the whole place with many “lalterns”, giving you feel of candles with wind-proof. We can be here for some time. I will recite you lots of Hindi poems and English poems like above. I am good in writing poems. I love to sing songs and will sing songs for you. You can imagine how much you would love to be with stars on sky and stars all around.
I will tell you a friend of mine has written a song in English for me to you. He know little-little English not good like me. Here is his song from me to you:

Hey Elina,
My love Elina
Let me tell you once
and for all, that
there’s somewhere
there’s someone
who dreams of your smile
who would die for your smile
who would love to be your side
be with   me   for a night
hey Elina, my Love Elina
be here for me
 for a day
for a week and all my life.
I would wrap you with my kisses
I would wrap you with my love
I would wrap you all around
So that no eyes and no
Touches can touch you
 You will be all
 I am yours.

I know you would not like mush this poem, but with my tune I will make it good for you to hear.
Please Kyra, please Elina, please accept my invitation and come and join me. I promise to you give you a beautiful summer vacation everyday you are with me.

You take care of yourself and do not expose yourself too much in the Sun, use Lakme Sun Expert if you go out to make safe your skin. You have a glowing and smooth skin, so do not make it waste.
Please do let me know when you are coming to make arrangements for you.

I will miss you everyday and night. Not in night as when I sleep I dream of you.

Yours lovingly

“Budhuwa Angrezi”
-----Sealed with Tender Love and Kisses-----
----------The End------


  1. Haha very funny-do you really hope she will come?

  2. thanks ..if it brought smiles on your face... the post won..


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